Working with Different People:
So how do you work with someone that is very different from you? There is a long list of check boxes to describe how we can be different: sex, age, financial status, education, race, ethnicity, political views, religion, nationality....A very long list. Each of these boxes can indicate more difference between us and can cause more misses when we communicate, how we perceive each other and other's intentions, and how we present information to each other.
Here are some tips to close those gaps:
*Understand Different Personalities: You do not have to understand how others think necessarily, but you do need to understand that not everyone thinks the same. We all have different personalities. If you can take the time to identify someone's basic personality, (DISC profile for example) it can help you understand why there is a difference views. Leaders should spend time identifying their team's basic personality styles. As a company we are spending some time on this so we can be more intentional in how we interact with our team.
*Common Ground: Make an effort to find common ground, if not on a specific topic, in some other areas. When you are able to connect on something it makes it much easier to work through the areas you have a disconnect in.
*Be Open: Try to understand their point-of-view, even if you disagree with it. If you can at least understand where they are coming from it can be easier to meet in the middle.
*Communicate: Be honest and upfront about how you are feeling as early as you can. If you communicate that you recognize there are differences and you do not want there to be misunderstandings it opens up the opportunity to discuss them when they arise. I have tried to communicate to my team that I know the way I communicate can come across very different from what I mean to communicate and I have a standing invitation for them to let me know if they feel I am coming across in a negative light. This gives me a chance to clear up the confusion or restate my point in a better way.
*Be gracious: Always be more kind and understanding than what is expected. Any possible differences can be overcome when both parties are being gracious and respectful.
*Different is Valuable: Recognize the value in differences! When a team is able to tap into the different view-points each team member brings, they become a creative force to be reckoned with! We need people to challenge our views in order to grow and become more than we can be on our own.
Working with Difficult People
Most of us have someone that comes to mind when we think of interacting with a difficult person. We all know them. The ones that we feel exhausted after every interaction we have with them. Nothing is ever easy with them. They have to be right, they have to be loud, they talk over everyone, they bully others with their bad attitudes, or they are just too negative. Most of the time they are what I call an emotional bully. Sometimes they are just people with strong personalities having a bad day. In either case, here are some tips to help you navigate those stressful encounters:
*Personalities: Again, it is important to understand the difference in different personality styles. Someone may seem like they are being difficult, but it might just come down to the difference in your personality styles. When you can see that, it becomes much easier to interact.
*Ask Yourself...Is it me?: Be willing to reflect on your part in the interaction. Is the other person actually being difficult or are you just being reactive expecting them to be difficult? Are they just asking you to do something you don't see the value in or want to do, and that is what is difficult? There are times the other person doesn't even see they are being difficult or even worse, they see you as the difficult one. So take a moment to ask yourself if it is you.
*What can I do?: Is there something you can do to improve interaction with them that requires little to no effort on your part? If stopping by and saying, "Hi" once in a while makes them feel you care and takes you off the list of people they feel tension with, then do it! As a leader you should be intentional about creating positive interaction with the whole team anyways. Often small gestures like saying "hello" or bringing them something they printed off the copier will make them want to interact more positively with you.
*Keep it simple: Keep your communication with them simple and focused on the subject at hand. Do not bring up past issues, personal situations, or anything off topic. If they bring up off the topic issues or start to become negative, redirect the conversation back to the topic at hand. If necessary shut the conversation down if they will not allow you to redirect.
*Remove emotions: Remain very professional and calm. If you do not let your emotions into the conversation, it becomes very easy to navigate their emotions and recognize when they are using them to get their way.
*Stand your ground: Do not let their bad temper or negativity make you back down. Stand your ground calmly and professionally.
*Create boundaries: Be very clear, honest, and professional in all communication. If you have someone that wants to complain or be negative, create boundaries by always redirecting them or letting them know you are there to listen, but not to listen to them complain.
*Pick your causes and words wisely: You do not always have to react. Be smart about what you respond to and how you respond. Just because they are speaking louder does not mean they are right or that you cannot speak up in a more appropriate time and setting. Now and then, just let them have their moment and walk away from it because there was nothing of value to gain by engaging with them.
*Use Appropriate channels: It is easy to start using inappropriate means of communication or circumventing the chain of command to avoid interaction with difficult people. ALWAYS use the appropriate channels of communication and the correct chain of command. If someone is being difficult, it will come to light. If you do not have a healthy corporate culture you may not feel like it will. That is another issue to address in other ways.
*Be gracious! Always be kind, respectful and gracious. When you stand firm on being gracious, it makes their bad behavior much easier to see. It can make it difficult if you are resorting to bad behavior and being reactive to them for the leaders to see the difference between you and them.
My motto applies here: A good person tries to do what is right, no matter what anyone else is doing or who else is or is not watching.
Remember to always be intentional, in the moment, and not reactive and you will find working with different or difficult people to be a much easier task than it has been.
Here is a good article to read on the subject http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/10/21/how-successful-people-handle-toxic-people/
Scriptures
Luke 6:27-31 Romans 12:3 Colossians 4:6 Matthew 7:3-5
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